Clutched by the arms of Destiny...........

Clutched by the arms of destiny, we are all bound to die.
The only thing that may change is the way we die.

Theres a continuous battle between Body and the soul. Where each wants its own domination upon the Human.

One is pure and other is its opposite. It is not to be understood as the presence of evil or absence of the good, but only the purpose and the goals changes.
Soul wants to go back to its original form, from where it has originated and where it was before being encapsulated in this physical body. On the other hand body tries to satisfy its own desire and needs which may not be as pure as it should be to satisfy the needs of Spirit/soul.
Which always ask for purity and tries to get pure again, for it has got impurities added to itself while descending from the heavens into this very world of ours.

If the Soul takes over the body in this ever going battle then one succeeds both in this world and the world hereafter. But, if the body wins no one wins, neither Body nor soul. Both are doomed.


Maulana Rumi said,

Listen to the reed and the tale it tells, how it sings of separation. Ever since they cut me from the reed bed, my wail has caused men to weep. I want a heart torn open with longing to share this pain of love.

This pain of love is the real essence and purpose of the creation of man.

Allah taala has created man not in vain, for HE has not created anything in vain.

The Ruh or the spirit of man has seen the Arsh of ALLAH Ta'ala in the heavens and now it wants to return to that for it was so pure and beautiful that it has not seen anything not even near to that.

This is why love always has the element of suicide in it. For, one can only succeed when he'll perish away. Love is so jealous that it can bare the existence of anyone other than its loved one. A lover always try to be no one, for as long as he'll remain someone his EGO will keep on fooling him. Therefore he must try to be no one. It is the only way out, the only panacea for this ever lasting pain.

A conversation that didn't end

Talha:few days back i was thinking on this point

xxxxx: ahan..

00:33Talha: and figured out that the mistake is ours
theres nothing that can make u happy in this world
00:33xxxxx: hmm no idea.
00:34Talha: even if u go towards religion it makes u feel so sad and alone
00:34xxxxx: nahi yar i disag
00:34Talha: well its my own philosophy
00:34xxxxx: disagree wid u on dis point
00:34Talha: u dont have to agree to it
whic pint '?
00:34xxxxx: hw cum religion wud make u unhappy
wrong concept
00:34Talha:mine is this
I have my point of view
well let me explain
00:35xxxxx: listen
plz dont
00:35Talha:have you ever been so thirsty that u would do anything
yes shah jee
kahiay
?
00:35xxxxx: ho sakta hai mujhe acha na lagay
00:35Talha: nah aisi koi khas baat nahi hai
laikin aap ki marzi
jaisay aap chaho
00:36xxxxx: aur sunao
00:36Talha:bas shah jee koi khas nai tazi nahi hai
life is moving like a lightning bolt but yet it is damn slow and is at halt
00:37xxxxx: wat an impressive xplnation of lyf
00:37Talha: lol
00:37xxxxx:

00:37Talha: this is perhaps the reality
perhaps just an illusion
00:38xxxxx: hmm
00:38Talha: u know this world is lke an examination hall
we have to take this exam compulsarily
theres no excuse
00:39xxxxx: hmmm
00:39Talha: the exam is open book
we can use any type of material
hint
etc
00:39xxxxx: hmmmm
00:39Talha: but yet no one has ever been able to solve the riddle or pass the exam
except the few blessed ones.
taking this exam is even worse than going to hell
u knw the answers, methods
but still u cant make it
and tell me have u ever felt happy or willing to take an exam
and the condition is u cant quit
if u quit u r out
u r fail
so what to do
and u knw what
even sloving the paper or answering the questions doesnt matter
00:42xxxxx: wat
hmmm
00:42Talha: if u want to succeed just kneel before the examiner and ask for some lenience
some reham
tell HIM repeatedly
that my hardwork my knowledge is nothing just pass me just have reham on me or I am doomed
this is the only way out
otherwise u r really doomed
never rely on your own sources
00:44xxxxx: hmm
00:44Talha: this is my lil philosophy
but for this u have to go to the examiner
and at the gate of the office of the examiner sits a watch man
who will let you in if, and only if, you decide not to mess with him
hes a strict being
but some still dare mess with him
because they have good reltions with the examiner
they dont need the permission of the watch man to go in
00:47xxxxx: hmm
00:47Talha: they have access already
U knw who this watch man is ?
00:47xxxxx: ??
00:47Talha: he is the one and only, the most cursed
but still our fav "Iblees" or "Satan"
00:48xxxxx: hmm
00:48Talha: if u wish to enter, then you should go along with SOME ONE or otherwise just don't mess with him.

coz he wont let you in so easily.

Grab someone's Hand to enter...............

if u dont want to then .........................................

Selfless or Senseless

Children are Selfless

Children are silly.

very common comments.

I was selfless and was of course silly.
In third grade.
It was the result announcement ceremony
A friend of mine who later became my best friend, got first position
as soon as this was announced, I felt happy and began clapping with joy
I didn't even feel that hes the one who stood first not me

In those exams I got good percentage but didn't get any position.
but I was still happy
perhaps then I didn't know what jealousy is
yes I did know competition but not jealousy or hatred
normally children are born without this gift
they get it from parents and surroundings.

that evening I told my mom: Mom do u know that my friend got first position I am so happy
she got flared up and said: shame on you. Why didn't you get that position?

I stood silent for a moment.
Trying to figure out that did i really make a mistake or is Mom wrong?
But I had always been told that Parents are never wrong only children are wrong.
So I got it that I was wrong

That was my first lesson of the course called "Hypocrisy"
I learned it.

learned it by heart.


But I still don't know that whether it was "selflessness" or "senselessness"
I still don't know......................

something Unusual

In those days I was living in hostel in Khi, doing my Intermediate.

I used to visit my friends whenever I get a weekend leave.

my leave used to be from Friday after noon till Sunday evening.

I used to spend all this time with my best childhood friend.

our favorite sitting place was the railway platform near our home.

we would sit there for hours.

we discuss everything

from John keats to Sa'aadat Hassan munto, and from politics to religion, all the new things that were taking place

those were amazing times

we were carefree

but still there was some restlessness

there was some empty space in me

there was something that I was lacking

I tried to figure what this thing is ?

what that thing could be ?

That big question mark started hurting me.

irritation and pain got unbearable

I started looking for a refuge

one day when I was returning to my hostel after sports time in evening

It was the time for Maghrib prayers

A friend of mine said: ابے کافر کبھی تو بھی نماز پڑھ لیا کر

for a moment I laughed and then I decided

lets try.

I felt very light and easy after prayers

then after dinner i went for Isha and on and on.....................

It was a good experience that i was having

and I didn't notice in those days that, that Question mark had gone

I was feeling satisfied and content.

I used to think about running away from all this.

But I never realised that i can not

The fate/destiny will not let me.............

I was unaware if HIS power.

But I tried a lot

جن کے پیروں میں بھنور بندھے ھوں وہ کہاں بھاگ سکتے ھیں۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔

Love............

Life for me has never been very lovely or enjoyable.

All my childhood I have always tried to stay away from home and its dwellers. Dont know why but I have never been able to develop any strong feelings for anyone. In other words I cant be sincere. It has always been painful for me to stay close to home.

Perhaps because I was the youngest in the house, and I was supposed to show obedience. I never came up to their expectations. I have always hated the way I have been treated. They wanted me to listen silently, not to utter a word, accept every thing.

Many a times it would have been my fault. But at the same time they were also at fault.

I could do all those things. but I didnt. Not because I didnt want to. But because they didnt know the method to made me accept their superiority.

There was sheer wildness, violence and barbarism in me. And the only way to tame that beast within me was to deal it with Love, emotions.

The violence in me prevailed for a long time till I reached the end of my teenage.

the restlessness in me was was spreading.

That restlessness was taking me over. And I couldn't help it.

I could no longer keep myself isolated, selfish.

I was changing.

Someone was changing me.

skinning me alive.

The pain got unbearable.

and when I was helpless and couldn't find any solution. I bent down. broken, hurt, injured.

I felt coward.

But later I realized that it was not cowardliness it was my instinct.

The only thing that could mold/melt me was LOVE. sheer love, with all its purity.

But there was perhaps no one who could understand this simple thing.

no one

No one was wiling to lend me Love

No one.............

And I was too ashamed to ask for some.

A strong outer shell was another hindrance.

The only being I could ask for something, and could bend before and could tell all my problems was HE, The Almighty.

I turned towards HIM. Though i didn't changed. I didn't leave anything, even a single bad habit. rather I used to pray to HIM for help and save me from any disgrace.

And it always resulted in a halt. After praying whenever I wanted to do anything bad automatically the previlage of doing that deed would be taken away from me.

I was liking HIM I began to like Him..........................................

Thats how it all began.........

Casts...........

I didnt believe in casts untill i was made to believe. I knew I am a Rajput. We are supposed to be strong. We do have a heart but its like stone. The biggest insult for me has always been to cry. I never wept infront of anyone.

Not even infront of my closest friends.

But then I met someone, who with his Whole self took me over. put me in a whirlpool.

I will not give up my-self.
I will not devote my-self to anyone.
No I am a follower of my wills I can not follow anyone.

But not slowly and gradually, But like a storm he collapsed the sructure of my ego.
And very cruelly skinned me
Took my wishes my wills away
Crushed my Onec srong heart and made it as soft as wax.

He was not a magician but somehow, I dont know how but he made me loose my-self.


After my family moved to Isb I didnt want to continue my studies over here. I wanted to go back to khi. I wanted to study there.
But I couldnt.

perhaps Fate.............

Then I wanted to join forces.
But I couldnt.

Again Fate............

The last choice for me would be Szabist
But I didnt get admission anywhere else.

Again fate................

I joined Szabist. and studied for three semisters.
But stil was not able to fit in with the system.

Last summer I started feeling some thing strange
I started practicing religion.
I started offering prayers.
Then I kept beard. I had no intention of keping it. But like many other teenagers I just kept it.
But yes there was an inclination of mine towards Tassawuf.
I didnt know the path.

Then Fourth Semister Started.
I used to wear Shalwar kameez mostly with a cap on my head.
The teacher Who was teahing us Oral communication demanded me to give up wearing Shalwar kameez in her class atleast. I wouldnt.

After A couple of classes she reported the matter to Our co-ordinator.
He called me in his office and made me understand that this is not the way.
While talking he said something perhaps Unintentionally, which was to change my life afterwards.

He told me About 'SIR'.
He said: " You know SIR is PIR of his silsila He has many followewrs (Mureeds). But still he does not show this off."

He said many other things after that, But I was stuck at those two lines.
It was Friday.

I had a class with SIR on Monday. I watched Ashfaq Ahmed's "Man chalay ka Sauda" that weekend. On Monday after the lecture I began a random discussion with SIR on that Drama. He smiled and told me somethings. And then he left the class after attendence.
I went after SIR and asked him if I could take some of his time. He said : "Sure Sure come along",

In His office, I then told him My inclination towards Tassawuf, And asked Him what should I do.
He constantly kept on saying: "Stop thinking, Just grab someones hand and Jump into this Ocean".
I wanted Him to ask me to follow him, But he didnt.

Apparently He is a very simple man. Perhaps looks really ordinary, like all other teahers. But I still cant get that why did I surrender my-self to him?
And even when he didnt ask me to.............

He used to listen to me untiringly, He would never say anything Harsh. At times i knew I am wrong and talking silly, But he would only Say: "Perhaps, Allah knows better".

And now I dont know why But I weep, I cry, and very frequently.
Dont know why...
But I do.