Thats how it all began.........

Casts...........

I didnt believe in casts untill i was made to believe. I knew I am a Rajput. We are supposed to be strong. We do have a heart but its like stone. The biggest insult for me has always been to cry. I never wept infront of anyone.

Not even infront of my closest friends.

But then I met someone, who with his Whole self took me over. put me in a whirlpool.

I will not give up my-self.
I will not devote my-self to anyone.
No I am a follower of my wills I can not follow anyone.

But not slowly and gradually, But like a storm he collapsed the sructure of my ego.
And very cruelly skinned me
Took my wishes my wills away
Crushed my Onec srong heart and made it as soft as wax.

He was not a magician but somehow, I dont know how but he made me loose my-self.


After my family moved to Isb I didnt want to continue my studies over here. I wanted to go back to khi. I wanted to study there.
But I couldnt.

perhaps Fate.............

Then I wanted to join forces.
But I couldnt.

Again Fate............

The last choice for me would be Szabist
But I didnt get admission anywhere else.

Again fate................

I joined Szabist. and studied for three semisters.
But stil was not able to fit in with the system.

Last summer I started feeling some thing strange
I started practicing religion.
I started offering prayers.
Then I kept beard. I had no intention of keping it. But like many other teenagers I just kept it.
But yes there was an inclination of mine towards Tassawuf.
I didnt know the path.

Then Fourth Semister Started.
I used to wear Shalwar kameez mostly with a cap on my head.
The teacher Who was teahing us Oral communication demanded me to give up wearing Shalwar kameez in her class atleast. I wouldnt.

After A couple of classes she reported the matter to Our co-ordinator.
He called me in his office and made me understand that this is not the way.
While talking he said something perhaps Unintentionally, which was to change my life afterwards.

He told me About 'SIR'.
He said: " You know SIR is PIR of his silsila He has many followewrs (Mureeds). But still he does not show this off."

He said many other things after that, But I was stuck at those two lines.
It was Friday.

I had a class with SIR on Monday. I watched Ashfaq Ahmed's "Man chalay ka Sauda" that weekend. On Monday after the lecture I began a random discussion with SIR on that Drama. He smiled and told me somethings. And then he left the class after attendence.
I went after SIR and asked him if I could take some of his time. He said : "Sure Sure come along",

In His office, I then told him My inclination towards Tassawuf, And asked Him what should I do.
He constantly kept on saying: "Stop thinking, Just grab someones hand and Jump into this Ocean".
I wanted Him to ask me to follow him, But he didnt.

Apparently He is a very simple man. Perhaps looks really ordinary, like all other teahers. But I still cant get that why did I surrender my-self to him?
And even when he didnt ask me to.............

He used to listen to me untiringly, He would never say anything Harsh. At times i knew I am wrong and talking silly, But he would only Say: "Perhaps, Allah knows better".

And now I dont know why But I weep, I cry, and very frequently.
Dont know why...
But I do.