Love............

Life for me has never been very lovely or enjoyable.

All my childhood I have always tried to stay away from home and its dwellers. Dont know why but I have never been able to develop any strong feelings for anyone. In other words I cant be sincere. It has always been painful for me to stay close to home.

Perhaps because I was the youngest in the house, and I was supposed to show obedience. I never came up to their expectations. I have always hated the way I have been treated. They wanted me to listen silently, not to utter a word, accept every thing.

Many a times it would have been my fault. But at the same time they were also at fault.

I could do all those things. but I didnt. Not because I didnt want to. But because they didnt know the method to made me accept their superiority.

There was sheer wildness, violence and barbarism in me. And the only way to tame that beast within me was to deal it with Love, emotions.

The violence in me prevailed for a long time till I reached the end of my teenage.

the restlessness in me was was spreading.

That restlessness was taking me over. And I couldn't help it.

I could no longer keep myself isolated, selfish.

I was changing.

Someone was changing me.

skinning me alive.

The pain got unbearable.

and when I was helpless and couldn't find any solution. I bent down. broken, hurt, injured.

I felt coward.

But later I realized that it was not cowardliness it was my instinct.

The only thing that could mold/melt me was LOVE. sheer love, with all its purity.

But there was perhaps no one who could understand this simple thing.

no one

No one was wiling to lend me Love

No one.............

And I was too ashamed to ask for some.

A strong outer shell was another hindrance.

The only being I could ask for something, and could bend before and could tell all my problems was HE, The Almighty.

I turned towards HIM. Though i didn't changed. I didn't leave anything, even a single bad habit. rather I used to pray to HIM for help and save me from any disgrace.

And it always resulted in a halt. After praying whenever I wanted to do anything bad automatically the previlage of doing that deed would be taken away from me.

I was liking HIM I began to like Him..........................................